I could give you 1,000 excuses... or just 18!

For those of you who don't know; I am an accountant, and a very busy one at that! April 15th was a very important day for me, my friends and my family. April 15th marks the end of tax season and this year I was all too happy to let it go.

As I came in to work this morning I had an over-whelming desire to log-on to blogspot and check on my blog. It has been a while... a long while. I remember logging-on last year only to feel not ready. I wasn't ready to return to quilting, blogging, crafting, loving this space as I once did. I tried, but I just couldn't find the will to commit. I can spend my time layering on the guilt, reminding myself to be productive, ensuring that if I push on eventually things will get easier. The truth is, nothing will be what it once was ever again, you see, that is the tricky part of finally moving on. You have to accept that what once was, is no more, and what is coming is not better or worse, but different. You cannot embrace the "different" until you are ready and you can not be ready any time you want.

There will come a day, mine was last week; when you realize you're ready. A phrase my best friend and I have come to depend on... "Go ahead and cry today, cry, breathe and wipe your tears, because tomorrow, tomorrow we fight!"

So here are my excuses:

1.   In 2010, I got pregnant.

2.   In 2010, my husband decided he wanted a divorce.

3.   In 2010, my best friend got engaged.

4.   In 2010, I got a new job.

5.   In 2011, I spent some time being sad.
6.   In 2011, I struggled through tax season.
7.   In 2011, I had a baby boy.
8.   In 2011, some of my best friends got married.
9.   In 2011, I got another new job.
10. In 2011, I learned to be a mommy.
11. In 2012, I struggled through another tax season.
12. In 2012, I bought a house.
13. In 2012, I did some dating.
14. In 2012, I spent some more time being sad.
15. In 2012, two of my best friends got married.
16. In 2013, I did some more dating.
17. In 2013, I struggled through yet another tax season.
18. In 2013, I realized that everything didn't happen to me, it just happened.

It wasn't supposed to happen, it wasn't easy and it wasn't going away. I tell you all of this because I HATE when people try to rush you to move on, moving on isn't easy. No one can possibly understand what you are going through or where you have been.

My journey has taken me 2 years, 5 months and 13 days. It hasn't been easy, but it hasn't always been hard either. The point is, I'm ready to let it go, I'm ready to move forward, and I'm ready let the chains that have been keeping me at bay... go. I could give you 1,000 reasons why I haven't been myself over these last few years but I'm only going to give you one - because I wasn't ready.

I'm going to try and pick this blog back up and save it from the depths of the internet blog-o-sphere. I am going to try and find hapiness in the little things, I am going to try and be understanding, sweet and forgiving, but most of all, I'm going to try to be myself, because I'm quite positive no one else can do it quite like I can!

So much love... Kimberly!